Probably one of the most uncomfortable situations for me to be in is limbo. The not knowing, the uncertainty, the lack of control, it unravels me. Lately, I have been in a constant state of very low-level anxiety. It bubbles away and I don’t really know it’s there until something flares up and suddenly, I’m not coping as well as I should.
Whilst we have no reason to doubt that the sale of our house and the purchase of the new house will go ahead as expected, the lack of certainty pre-exchange along with the lack of any forecasted move date and the slow progress all means that I feel unable to get on with anything at all be that packing, house clearance or school work. We can’t make proper plans for anything. We can’t throw ourselves into planning for the new house since a) it might not happen still and we don’t want invest too much in it (emotionally as well as financially) and b) we can’t move in until it’s built which is now looking like November. That said we were able to make our kitchen, tile and carpet choices for the house which was equal parts fun and stressful (we want to get it right so badly!). I just hope we haven’t just wasted 2 weekends on choices for a house we don’t end up getting for some reason.
I find myself settling down to work or watch TV or even cook dinner and I have Exam Nerves with Sunday Night Feeling mixed with I’ve Done Something Bad (which I don’t think I have!) and it takes me a minute to realise it’s the limbo. The very low-level nature of my anxiety means that outwardly I am able to function pretty normally having fun weekends and yucking it up at work but it’s tiring. We knew that choosing a new house would mean feeling displaced for a while. This limbo waiting for everything to happen is making that displacement seem like a cakewalk in comparison. I hope I am right about that! I just need to keep repeating the mantra above: when nothing is sure, everything is possible.