Journal

Lighting a Candle

When I start to write, I light it. It burns high at first reaching up towards the ceiling like it is happy that it is carrying out its true purpose. The flame settles down after a time and then it burns steadily. Its steadiness feels trustworthy. Reliable. It warms me even though I know it really isn’t emitting much heat. Its light lifts me. When the candle is alight, it means it’s time to work. It is time to think, to create, to write, to feel.

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Mama

A Day of Appointments

Our peace lily

My first day of maternity leave has entailed a lot of waiting around in waiting rooms with a scan, a clinic appointment and a separate midwife appointment. The scan was fine – still showing an issue with Baby Boy’s kidney (which *should* be easily resolved after the birth) but otherwise A-OK; I found out I will not be allowed to go overdue because I am OLD (wahh); We saw that the boy is still a fair good size (now about 7lbs 6ozs with 4 weeks still to go); I realised how anxious I am about the birth in general.

Last time, I was totally calm about the birth but worried about the ‘caring for a tiny human’ bit afterwards. This time I know how horrible the birth was last time but am feeling pretty easy breezy about the afterwards bit (the bit that last 18 years 0r so). I rarely manage to find the right thing to focus my anxiety on, though, so I am right just this second getting anxious about all of it!!! Time for some chocolate…