Hopes :: Intentions :: Memories
With just a few days to go left of this year, I thought it might be amusing to look at what lovely things I imagined I would get up to this year in my 20 in 2020 list. My first impression of this list is that I actually did more of the things than I expected and the things I haven’t done are not really because of COVID.
Here is my list for 2020:
Continue reading “20 in 2020 update”
My list of 19 things for 2019 was a total success. I allowed it to be a success by changing up some of the items on the list. I didn’t see the point of ignoring all the things that I had managed to achieve just so that I could stick doggedly to (and fail at) a list of my own making.
As I write this, I am feeling a strange kind of gratitude to my word of 2019. Worth is a weighty word. One that scared me a little when I chose it because unlike my word of 2018, I knew it was the right one straight away. I did not journal or scrapbook this year or complete any of the monthly prompts from the course but despite this, I actually feel like this word has served me more than any I have chosen before; I have had this word at the forefront of my mind at different key moments throughout the year, helping me with significant decisions. Contemplating one’s worth is a vulnerable act so it is not something I have really talked about or written about. But it’s been on my mind a lot.
It is not his birthday (that was five months ago almost) and it is not any other important date but I just had this powerful realisation that if I didn’t write today, right now, while I am thinking of it, I might never write this poor lad a blog post telling you all how amazing and special and exhausting and hilarious this child is. And that would just not do, would it?!
One of my 18 for 2018 items was to get my One Little Word album prepared for the year. I did most of this early on in January but one of the cards asks you to reflect back on the story of the month so I have only just finished the prompts for January today.
This year I have been enjoying the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast as well as Happier in Hollywood. Gretchen and Liz (her TV writer sister) are creating 18 for 2018 lists and since I have been missing my birthday lists, I thought I’d jump on board. I have made most of them finite things I can do throughout the year with just a few that are year-long goals.
There was a fire somewhere last night. The smell of smoke was thick in the air and when I opened the windows to check the fire was outside and not burning away somewhere else in the house, the street was clouded. The acrid taste made me feel queasy and I searched online to find out what was burning. For some reason, I wanted to know and was frustrated to not find anything. In a world where a news story from across the globe can reach you in a matter of minutes, it is still a reminder that there are some things we can’t instantly know just by searching.
Today is Day 10 of #The100DayProject and I am so enjoying the chance to write happy every day. Today, I am going to bed tired and feeling a bit down for a number of (trifling) reasons so I struggled to think of something to write that made me happy.
Then I remembered I hadn’t updated my Dear Kiddos blog for a while. This is a side project that I haven’t really advertised that is partly a life manual for the kids and partly therapy for me. When I am grappling with something it is really useful to turn the quandary into a life lesson. I don’t know if the kiddos will ever read these words but they help me so I guess that makes it worthwhile.
Here is tonight’s instalment: Taking Back Control
When I was really struggling with Austin and wondering why it seemed so much harder than last time (apart from the obvious things like me being older, Austin not being Evelina etc.), I realised that what was making it hard was not being in a routine. I was feeding him every two hours, on demand like I had been told. It took me months to remember that routine makes life so much easier (for me at least – not for everyone).
Every January for the past three years, I have chosen a word to focus on. Last year was Nurture – I did a lot of that but I also didn’t really focus on it like I’d hoped. The joy of motherhood sometimes means that life seems to be passing by, like you’re on a train and watching it pass out the window. You see it but you don’t feel a part of it. It’s a strange feeling.
Continue reading “Balance”
